Capitalization in Relationships: How to Support Your Partner Well - Why Celebrating Good News Matters
Adam Manz, MCP, RCC, VITALITY COLLECTIVE Vancouver relationship THERAPIST
Have you ever shared good news with someone, only to feel like they weren’t as excited for you as you thought they would be? Or have you ever been on the receiving end of someone else’s excitement and felt like you didn’t quite know how to respond?
Capitalization is the process of celebrating good news with someone.
When we “capitalize” on someone’s good news, we show that we’re interested in their life, that we care about their successes, and that we’re happy for them.
These moments of capitalization can be tricky to navigate in our relationships, especially if feelings of envy, resentment, or impatience sometimes cloud our ability to celebrate others. However, research has shown that couples who are intentional about responding enthusiastically to each other’s achievements and good fortune are stronger for it.
For one, it can increase feelings of closeness and intimacy between partners. When we share good news with someone, we’re essentially inviting them to join in our joy and happiness. When they respond positively and enthusiastically, it can create a sense of shared emotion and connection and meet our needs for validation and recognition. Moreover, capitalization can also help build resilience in relationships. By creating a solid foundation of positivity and support, couples are better prepared to weather the ups and downs of life together.
It’s important that we all practice capitalization in our relationships, especially if it doesn’t come naturally to us. This is because, on the flip side, neglecting to capitalize can actually decrease relationship satisfaction and diminish excitement around positive events. In other words, responding to good news in a way that minimizes the success or conveys indifference can squash some of the joy you or the other person are feeling.
Consider this example of Lisa, who exclaims to her partner:
Lisa: “You wouldn’t believe it! I secured an interview for the job I was telling you about! I’m so excited.”
Now consider how Lisa might feel towards herself, her achievement, and her partner if they respond in one of two ways:
Partner: “Oh yeah? Here’s hoping it’s not as demanding as your last job. So, about dinner tomorrow...”
Partner: “Lisa, that is so amazing. I know you were eager about that position. I couldn’t be more excited for you! How are you feeling about the interview?”
Lisa may still be excited about her interview in either case, but the second response (2) is likely to amplify her excitement and reinforce her sense that her partner is caring and responsive.
So, how can you practice capitalization in your own relationships? Here are a few tips:
1. Pay attention to the little things.
Capitalization doesn’t have to be reserved for big, life-changing events. In fact, it’s often the small successes and happy moments that can be the most meaningful. Did your partner have a great workout at the gym? Did they receive praise for their performance at work? Take the time to acknowledge these moments and celebrate them together.
2. Be present and engaged.
When someone shares good news with you, it can be tempting to brush it off or respond with a quick, “That’s nice.” But to truly capitalize on their success, it’s important to be fully present and engaged in the moment. Take the time to listen and ask questions. Show genuine interest in their experience. Be intentional.
3. Share your own successes.
Capitalization is a two-way street. If you want to receive support and enthusiasm from your partner, it’s important to offer the same in return. Share your own successes and happy moments and invite your partner to celebrate with you. If you are disappointed by your partner’s lack of enthusiasm for your achievements, you might try letting them know, “It’s important to me that you also be excited about this.” You might also choose to share aspects of this article with them.
4. Avoid comparisons.
When someone shares good news with you, it can be tempting to compare their success to your own. But this can quickly turn a joyous moment into a negative one. Instead, focus on the present moment and the joy that your partner is experiencing.
5. Keep the momentum going.
It’s valuable to continue capitalizing on each other’s successes over time. Make a habit of celebrating each other’s achievements, no matter how big or small. If your partner is delighted when you respond positively, they will be more likely to share good news with you in the future. This positive cycle of capitalization can reinforce your connection and build your relationship over time.
Keep in mind:
None of us will ever be perfect at capitalizing with others. Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes we might miss an opportunity to celebrate someone’s good news or respond in the most supportive way.
Capitalization looks different for everyone. What might feel like a meaningful celebration for one person might not resonate with another. By being open and communicative with our loved ones, we can learn more about what kind of support and celebration they need.
Capitalizing on good news isn’t only important in intimate relationships, but rather all human relationships. Consider how you might use capitalization to strengthen your connection with friends, family members, roommates, and colleagues – it can make a world of difference!
References
Good News! Capitalizing on Positive Events in an Interpersonal Context
Intimate Relationships (3rd Ed.)