Why Can’t I Feel? Understanding Emotional Numbness
MEGAN DAVIES, MA, REGISTERED CLINICAL COUNSELLOR - VITALITY COLLECTIVE VANCOUVER THERAPIST
I hear people talk about feeling numb all the time.
It’s a thing, a very important thing. Numbing is the nervous system's way of coping. Many people report feeling disconnected from the world around them sometimes, feeling “flat,” out of it, or feeling like they're just moving through the motions. Feeling numb can make it hard to connect with others, which can create a feeling of loneliness. Feeling emotionally numb is the experience of feeling disconnected, empty and unable to identify your emotions. We numb not because we are empty, but because we are too full. It’s a way of shutting ourselves off from something painful or overwhelming and is closely linked with the nervous system’s freeze response.
Why do I feel nothing?
Emotional numbness can occur when the limbic system is flooded with stress hormones. This is the area of the brain that deals with emotional regulation and memory. There’s an emotional component as well. High-stress situations can be physically and emotionally taxing which can lead to feeling drained and numb. Numbness may also be a coping mechanism to prevent more pain from entering the psyche. When we face overwhelming stress – whether that be physical or emotional – the body has three responses: fight, flight, freeze. When something overwhelming happens, we have the power to stand up for ourselves, walk away, and disconnect and detach from what’s going on might be the only way that we’re able to keep ourselves safe. It’s a way of shutting ourselves off from something that has been extremely painful or overwhelming. Sometimes this can be traced back to a specific traumatic event, other times it can be attributed to more of a gradual buildup of experiences that overwhelmed our ability to cope. Sometimes it happens simply because we were never given the tools - or permission – to understand and feel comfortable being with our emotions.
At the core, emotional numbness is a coping mechanism. It’s a way of shutting ourselves off from something painful or overwhelming. When we feel numb, it’s a sign to turn inwards, although the experience might be one of emptiness, at the root of emotional numbness is the opposite – a landslide of feelings that have never been allowed the space to be experienced and felt.
How can I overcome the feeling of numbness?
Get in touch with your emotions
The tendency to suppress our emotions has unfortunately become part of our culture. From a young age, we’re taught to mask and suppress our feelings, “don’t cry, be strong” sound familiar? Our emotions need to be felt, validated and processed. Being with our emotions might feel scary at first, but with time we’ll start to realize that we simply need to allow them to be – and they move on in their own time. Emotions are trying to tell us something and when we don’t act and process them, we move further away from our authentic self. Emotions live in the body, not in the head. You can start by bringing awareness to your body and the sensations you feel. Bringing awareness to the body brings us back to the present moment, when we think of emotions, think about how the emotion feels physically, this may help you learn to label different sensations with feelings.
Emotions are important indicators. They tell us the things that are important to us (and the things that aren’t). If we’re disconnected from our emotions, it’s easy to fall off our “path”. We might end up making life choices based on what we should be doing, rather than what we want to be doing. When we’re living a life that’s out of line with our values, this is going to leave us feeling a little numb or empty inside.
Move your body
Emotional numbness may feel like being “frozen” for some people. If this is the case for you, exercise might be the last thing on your mind. However, doing any form of physical movement is a great way to get out of your head and into your body. Try just walking around your room and shaking your arms out to connect with your body, put on a pump-up song and move around while you’re cleaning. Do this in a way that feels good for you, this is about reconnecting with your body, and nothing else.
Talk it out
Sometimes, when we feel like we have no one to talk to, we shove our uncomfortable emotions down because we feel safer that way. While it’s hard to be vulnerable, it’s also hard to keep everything bottled up inside. Opening up to someone you trust can help you process your feelings and move you into a more open, and present state. A therapist can help you understand why you developed this coping mechanism and with time, you can learn healthier ways of being with your emotions.