When is the Right Time to Start Relationship Counselling?
ANIKA SAWATSKY, MA, REGISTERED CLINICAL COUNSELLOR IN CHILLIWACK, BC
I get asked this question from time to time by clients that I work with. Every relationship is bound to have ups and downs, but when problems persist and communication is breaking down, seeking professional help can be a transformative step for you and for your relationship. Building a healthier and more fulfilling relationship can begin at any point of your journey and doesn’t need to be left until you are considering it as a last resort. Investing in your relationship as a preventative measure can help lead to greater satisfaction and connection.
Here are some signs you and your partner may benefit from relationship counselling:
You struggle to communicate with each other effectively, or you find that discussions on contentious topics don’t lead to resolution. One of the most significant indicators that couples counselling may be beneficial is a breakdown in communication. If you and your partner find it increasingly challenging to express your needs, thoughts and emotions, or you frequently feel misunderstood seeking professional assistance can be immensely rewarding. Couples counselling can help you improve your listening skills, learn new communication techniques, and create a safe environment where you both feel heard and understood.
You are finding stress or life circumstances are hindering your ability to connect with each other. You may find that life stress keeps you preoccupied and talking to a professional could help you to rebuild emotional intimacy, rekindle your bond and find ways to prioritize your relationship.
You have experienced infidelity or a betrayal and need help navigating through. Trust is the foundation of any relationship and if it has been broken, it can be incredibly challenging to rebuild. Couples counselling is a safe environment where both partners can explore their experiences and work toward healing their connection. A therapist can help couples to navigate the complex emotions that arise from a betrayal and facilitate honest conversations, working your way toward rebuilding trust.
You find that you argue in circles or follow predictable patterns of conflict. Counselling can be an environment that disrupts unhealthy relational patterns, and where you can learn new skills together. All couples experience conflict sometimes, but when arguments remain unresolved or resentment begins to emerge, it can help to address the underlying causes and find ways to repair them well.
You want to strengthen your relationship and connection with each other. There doesn’t need to be a significant problem to attend couples counselling; it can simply be a place to invest in your relationship, strengthen your connection and grow in the same direction.
You notice a lot of criticism, defensiveness or resentment in your relationship. Getting to the root of these patterns and resolving them is important for the fidelity of your relationship. Criticism, defensiveness, resentment and stonewalling are what John and Julie Gottman consider the Four Horsemen in relationships and each has a response or antidote that can be learned to address the root problem rather than exacerbate it.
If you are experiencing any of the indicators listed above, here are the next steps:
Discuss this idea with your partner if you haven’t already done so. It is crucial to the outcome of therapy that you are both invested in working through your challenges for the health of your relationship. Remember that counselling is not a sign of failure but rather a proactive step toward a healthier and happier future. It demonstrates the importance you and your partner place on each other and your relationship.
Research and find a qualified therapist. Seek recommendations from trusted sources, consult online directories and make sure that the therapist’s approach and perspective align with your needs and values.
Set up and attend your first session together. During this session, you can assess whether they are a good fit for you and whether you feel comfortable working together with this person. You can discuss your goals and concerns, as well as help the therapist understand your situation and the unique aspects of your relationship.
Be honest, committed and open to the process. The success of couples counselling requires each partner to be invested in the process and work to make changes for the positive. It’s important to also remember that change is not linear and can take time. Be patient with yourselves and each other.
Recognizing the signs that indicate the need for couples counselling is an essential step toward preserving and strengthening your relationship. Through couples counselling, you can learn valuable communication skills, enhance intimacy, rebuild trust, and resolve conflict with each other; all of this contributes to increased relationship satisfaction and a sense of connectedness and growing together. Once you have made the decision to enter relationship counselling, take the steps to find someone who is a good match and invest yourself in the process. If you identify with any of the indicators listed above, consider reaching out to one of our therapists.
References
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-relationship-counseling-4694545
https://www.verywellmind.com/couples-therapy-definition-types-techniques-and-efficacy-5191137
https://www.gottman.com/blog/when-is-it-a-good-time-to-seek-counseling/
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/prepare-for-couples-counseling/