What is Your Window of Tolerance?

MEGAN DAVIES, MA, Registered Clinical Counsellor - VITALITY COLLECTIVE VANCOUVER THERAPIST

Have you ever felt out of control of your emotions?

Maybe you were feeling okay, and then all of sudden your body is flooded with uncomfortable sensations? Maybe to others, it was something they could brush off, but to you, it felt like you were overtaken by anger or even anxiety. Perhaps you were swarmed by anxious throughs and worries? Often feeling confused and defeated by the intensity of your emotional reaction. 

What about feeling shut down emotionally? Like a computer going offline, everything shutting down. You can’t follow conversations, remember what you were talking about, or maybe you can’t seem to feel anything at all. You feel disconnected from yourself, others, and you’re coasting through your day feeling numb, maybe like you’re in a dream. 

If you’ve had this happen to you, you’ve been pushed outside of your Window of Tolerance. 

The Window of Tolerance, a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, is commonly used to understand and describe brain/body reactions, especially following trauma. The window of tolerance is described as when we have reached the optimal arousal level, we’re able to roll with the punches, the ebb and flow of life,  and you’re probably feeling cool, calm and collected. You’re not facing anything beyond what you can handle.  You can experience emotions without being overtaken by them and feel safe. Try and think of a time when you were in a calm state of mind, you felt relaxed and in control. Do you remember feeling calm, grounded, present, and safe? That is what it feels like when you are inside your window of tolerance.

You may experience anxiety, hurt, or anger which pushes close to the edge of the window, but generally, you are able to self-regulate and self-soothe to keep yourself within the window. You may feel tired, exhausted, sad or shut down, but just like above, so is below, you are generally able to shift out of this and bring yourself back into the window of tolerance. When you are outside of the window of tolerance, your nervous system responds by going into survival mode – fight, flight or freeze. You can either feel overwhelmed and go into hyper-arousal or you can shut down and go into hypo-arousal. For those who have experienced trauma, anxiety, or other mental illness, it can cause the window of tolerance to shrink, and it can be difficult to stay in your optimal zone. 

The zone of hyper-arousal is characterized by an excessive activation or energy. The fight and flight responses occur in the hyperarousal state and you may experience symptoms such as: 

• Anxiety 

• Overwhelmed 

• Impulsive responses 

• Outbursts ( emotional or aggressive) 

• Hypervigilance

• Anger 

The zone of hypo-arousal is the complete opposite of hyperarousal. This is the “shut down” zone, where you experience too little arousal, or too much arousal, which results in a shutdown and freeze response. In this response, you may experience symptoms such as: 

• Numbness 

• Dissociation 

• Inability to think clearly or respond 

• Zoned out 

• Separation of self, feelings and emotions 

As an infant, your attachment interactions with your caregiver lays down the foundation for the development of your brain and nervous system. A healthy attachment is described as interactions that are attuned, consistent and nurturing. You need your caregivers to help you co-regulate, which over time will allow you to learn how to self-regulate and self soothe independently.  When you experience adversity through trauma and/or unmet attachment needs growing up, this can drastically disrupt your nervous system, your brain has adapted to survive in a threatening and unpredictable world.

When the body responds defensively, it is just trying to keep you safe, your mind thinks the trauma or extreme stress you experience in the past, is happening again. Trauma and extreme stress can create these similar responses that stick with us, even long after the event has passed. Following unresolved trauma, the experience remains activated in the brain and the body, and this can make self-regulation difficult. Since the emotions and feelings associated with being out of the zone of optimal arousal are so intense, you will often attempt to try and regulate any way you can. Your senses are heightened, reactions are intensified, and strategies to calm your nervous system are less readily available. The ebb and flow of a regulated nervous system looks more like peaks and valleys of a nervous system that has experienced adversity. 

The relationship between the window of tolerance and your ability to make sense of your experience makes it a key element of healing. Recognizing what your window of tolerance looks like, and what happens to you physically and emotionally as you move out of the optimal zone of arousal, is an important first step. The function of the behaviour when you are out of the window of tolerance is important to understand, the behaviour is a symptom of the intensity of the emotion, threat response, and physical sensations. Meeting this behaviour with compassion and understanding is important, your body is just trying to keep you safe.