Remembering How to Play
Melissa Drabbant, MA, RCC, VITALITY COLLECTIVE
SURRY THERAPIST & REGISTERED CLINICAL COUNSELLOR
What comes to mind when you hear the word “play?”
Perhaps an image of a child building sandcastles on the beach surfaces. Maybe you think about your best friend from grade school. Maybe you remember a sense of feeling free and losing track of time. Alternatively, you may have an unsettling reaction and harsh or critical thoughts come up for you. For some, feelings of grief arise, because they were required to grow up too quickly. For others, they can recall a memory from just last week, when they were overcome by contagious laughter. The word play can have all sorts of positive and negative connotations for us. Take a moment here to reflect then. When was the last time you played— the last time you really played as an adult?
Why We Stop Playing
An obvious answer for many of us is that life is just too busy! We simply don’t have the time, energy, or creativity to play anymore. We become overwhelmed and stressed by the day-to-day errands and tasks we are responsible for. The seven outstanding text messages that haven’t been answered from two weeks ago should be responded to. The kids need their lunches packed and to be dropped off at soccer practice on time. The house has to be cleaned and the laundry turned over. You haven’t had a chance to connect with your friends or partner because your social capacity has already been used up at work. I bet all of us can relate to one of these factors, if not several others! The real and perceived demands of life, as well as our lack of prioritizing boundaries and self-care often get in the way of our ability to play.
For some, the experience of early traumas is also a block from engaging with play or even knowing how. If play was not allowed, valued, or even safe as a child, how you perceive it as an adult will likely be respective. As a therapist, I often hear phrases like this: “I grew up too fast, so I never got to be a kid.” If this is you, know that you are not alone in that experience. If this is you, know that there is still time to learn. Dear reader, there is still time to play.
Play as Healing
Playing as an adult not only decreases stress, but can also increase creativity, physical energy, and connection! It may even serve as a means of healing for the younger, wounded parts of ourselves that we carry with us. When we play, we give a voice to those wounded parts of ourselves that were dismissed, burdened, or restricted as children. Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson wrote, “play is the most natural method of self-healing that childhood affords.” Remembering how to play or exploring how you might have liked to play (if you rarely had permission) is an opportunity to reconnect with the child that still lives in you— in each of us. Regardless of our nuanced experiences, our inner children are often ready and waiting to be let out. Let them show you the way of play once again.
How to Reengage with Play
Consider how you had fun or lost track of time as a child/young person. What did you love to do? What sorts of things captivated your attention? What made you feel silly? What brought about belly-aching laughter? What activities did you enjoy doing with others versus alone?
You may also want to reflect on what were you doing or where you were the last time you felt a true sense of freedom and ease.
Ideas:
Buy some Lego
Dance to the nostalgic music of your choice
Have a paint night with friends
Watch your favourite childhood movie
Play a sport (for fun)
Do a puzzle
Eat some of your favourite childhood food/snacks
Reread your favourite childhood book
Jump on a trampoline
Play your favourite childhood video game
Join your kids on the playground
Go rollerblading, scootering, or skateboarding
Find a colouring book to colour in
Bake your favourite cookies
Go for a bike ride
Play your favourite childhood board games
Buy a joke book to read through
Play with your pets
Collect rocks on the beach
Give yourself permission to experiment as you lean into what play might look like for you! Bring your friends or children into the mix, if engaging in it on your own feels too daunting. There is no right or wrong way to engage with play, only your way.
May you feel a deep sense of delight and the weightlessness that comes, as you remember how to play.
References
https://www.nifplay.org/play-for-you/make-play-part-of-an-adult-life/
https://www.nifplay.org/what-is-play/the-basics/
Pliske, M. M., Stauffer, S. D., & Werner-Lin, A. (2021). Healing from adverse childhood experiences through therapeutic powers of play: “I can do it with my hands”. International Journal of Play Therapy, 30(4), 244–258.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. United Kingdom: Penguin Publishing Group.