Anxiety, old pal

It’s Monday evening. Just a typical day. I’m in my kitchen preparing dinner, as I always do. I pull open the oven door to take out the casserole, and a small puff of smoke escapes. Confused, because the casserole is not burnt in the slightest, I open the door all the way to get a better look.

Ah-ha! Found the culprit! It seems that a small amount of sauce had dripped down to the bottom of the oven and began to bake and burn.

But, before, I can even finish stringing this thought together, the smoke detector goes off.

“Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!” it seems to scream. “Panic! Panic! Panic! Panic! Panic!” it urges.

And, instinctively, I do. My body jolts at these alarm bells, my muscles clench, my shoulders jump up to my ears, and my heart races. For a moment, anyway. After the moment passes, I come back to my senses and realize the smoke detector is simply overreacting to that little bit of smoke. I fling open the windows and do the standard waving-a-dish-towel dance underneath the detector. The screaming stops, and my day returns to normal.

Anxiety is a lot like this hypersensitive smoke detector.

It’s noisy and uncomfortable. It takes up so much of our attention that it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. And, just like the smoke detector, anxiety is actually trying to protect us. It’s job is to alert us to possible danger lurking in wait. Which can be helpful!

The thing is, potential danger does not always come to fruition. This is where the all-important difference between fear and anxiety comes into play. Allow me to paint a comparative picture for you.

We experience fear when we come around a bend in the forest path and stumble upon a bear. No doubt about it—that bear is right in front of us, and it definitely poses a threat! We freeze in our tracks, unable to move. Our heart thumps so hard and loud inside our chest we’re sure the bear can hear it. Our mouth goes dry and our vocal chords seize up. In that moment we couldn’t scream if we wanted to. But the alarm bells inside our head are crystal clear: “Danger! Danger! Danger!” And we begin to asses possible courses of action—searching for the one most likely to get us out of this situation alive.

On the other hand, we experience anxiety when we can’t even bring ourselves to enter the forest because we worry there could be a bear in there. It’s not out of the realm of possibilities, and it’s probably a good thing to be alert! But this is not a guaranteed threat. Standing on the edge of the forest, we may even feel very similar physical sensations to fear. Shallow breathing, tense muscles, heart beating rapidly. But there is currently no danger before us.

Fear is a natural and helpful response to an imminent threat. Anxiety is our mind’s attempt to foresee possible future threats, and this is not always helpful.

It’s not always helpful, but it’s incredibly normal. We all experience moderate amounts of anxiety on a fairly regular basis. We worry about how a first date will go, we feel nervous before giving a speech, we fixate on concerns over what people may be thinking of us. We all know the feeling of sweaty palms, a racing heart, a dry mouth, knots or butterflies in our stomach, the difficulty in getting our words out. This is because our brains and bodies are always working to try and protects us. Even when that means they’re being overprotective and making us panic for no reason.

Within our bodies, we have two nervous systems. Please forgive the ridiculously oversimplified description I am about to give. I find that simple and clear often makes things easier to hold on to, if you’re interested in the details I absolutely encourage you to dive deeper! 

For now, suffice it to say that our sympathetic nervous system is like the “on” switch, and the parasympathetic system is like the “off” switch. One is not more desirable than the other. We need both. And, most importantly, we need them to balance each other out. When fear or anxiety kicks in, it’s job is to flip the “on” switch. It wants our full attention on the perceived threat. It wants us in fight-or-flight mode! When we realize there is no threat (or the threat has passed), we can flip the “off” switch to bring everything back down. But we don’t want to be all the way “off” because that’s when we freeze or completely numb out to life. So, as with most things, we’re search for a happy medium.

All of this is normal and good (even though it doesn’t always feel good in the moment). But sometimes, our inner alarm systems are extra sensitive! For instance, if we’ve lived through trauma or been around a lot of danger in the past, our brain has learned that it needs to be on guard because there usually is a threat lurking near by. This was probably incredibly helpful in these situations. It helped keep us safe. But if we’re no longer in an unsafe environment, the hyperactive alarm system can actually get in our way. It’s what stops us from going on that hike we were so excited about because our brain suddenly realized there could be a bear.

When anxiety becomes unhelpful to us more often than it is helpful to us, it’s time to have a heart-to-heart with our good old pal.

“Dear Anxiety, I deeply appreciate all you’ve done to keep me safe over the years. You have been one of my greatest protectors, and I am grateful for you. I want you to know that I am actually a lot safer than you think, so it’s okay to relax a little. There are lots of things I want to be able to do, and I need you to understand that you don’t always have to try and stop me. I am going to be okay.”

Unfortunately, the parts of our brain programmed to flip the “on” switch and make us panic, don’t really respond to rational thought. But it is important that we keep the above sentiment in mind while speaking anxiety’s language. Anxiety responds to physical things—like moving our body or taking deep belly breaths. It also responds to our 5 senses—smelling a comforting scent, drinking a soothing cup of tea, holding on to a soft pillow, listening to calming music, and so on. Anxiety speaks a more instinctual language. So, connecting with loved ones, being in a safe and comforting environment, taking care of our bodies. All of these things help flick the “off” switch and calm us down.

And it’s always about balance. Remembering that anxiety is not bad—it’s trying to help. While also keeping in mind that anxiety can overstep it’s bounds at times and make our lives even more challenging. Balance. Appreciating the fact that we do have an “on” switch that kicks us into fight-or-flight gear when we really need it, but also remembering that we can use our tools to hit the “off” switch when panic isn’t necessary. Balance. Anxiety is normal, but it doesn’t get to run the show. You’re the author of your life story, anxiety is just one of the many players.

Written by Vanessa Bork. If you are interested in learning more about how anxiety is playing a role in your life, you can click on the button below to either meet with Vanessa or another qualified therapist at Vitality Collective.