What is “Parts Work” in Therapy?
Kate Malone, RCC, Vitality Collective
Vancouver Therapist & Registered Clinical Counsellor
Have you ever felt that in some situations or relationships you don’t react in the way you want to? Does it almost feel like another version of you takes over who is more reactive, fearful, pleasing, or avoidant?
Understandably, we tend to judge ourselves when we don’t act in a way that is congruent with who we want to be. We know that we have the capacity to be calm, confident, assertive, or motivated, but in some moments just can’t seem to get there. That can bring on painful feelings of guilt, self-blame, and even shame.
In Internal Family Systems therapy and other mainstream trauma modalities, “parts work” is based on modern neuroscience’s understanding of how our intricate personalities are developed. It is a way of understanding our sense of self as being complex and multifaceted. Different parts of oneself can be triggered depending on what we are going through, which is why sometimes it can feel like different versions of ourselves are running the show at any given time. Think about how you act when you’re with your best friend, versus how you might act at work. You probably have a part that is goofier and more casual, and a part that can be professional. Perhaps you are confident to speak your mind with your friends, but you have a really hard time standing up for yourself when you’re with your father?
Parts work is helpful when we feel stuck in a pattern of behaviour that feels unhealthy or harmful in some way. Often, when we go through traumatic or difficult experiences as children, a protective part will develop to help us survive that experience. Now each time we are reminded of that difficult situation (consciously or unconsciously), this part swoops in to take over. However, once we are adults, this part is no longer serving a protective function, and instead might be holding us back!
Mark’s Story - Parts work case study
Let’s look at an example. Mark was bullied as a kid. Throughout that period, he learned that the best way to get through those experiences was to make himself small, put his head down, and be agreeable to his peers. As a child, this was how he survived an experience that was very lonely and scary.
Now, as an adult, when Mark meets a new group of people, he finds it hard to open up, and instead shuts down and struggles to speak. He feels angry at himself; Mark wants to be able to be himself and connect with new people, but he can’t seem to do it! As a result, Mark struggles with his self-worth, wondering why he has such a hard time making friends and feeling comfortable around others.
Let’s look at this pattern of Mark’s through the lens of parts work. Going through the trauma of bullying as a child, Mark developed a part that helped him survive.
This part did a great job at keeping Mark safe during that time. By flying under the radar and staying quiet, he was able to avoid even worse bullying and keep a target off himself. That protective part of Mark learned when it needed to show up and continued to do so, and even as an adult would show up in situations that were historically unsafe – such as meeting new groups of people. This young part of his neural structure doesn’t know that Mark is no longer at risk of being bullied by the
kids at school.
How Can Parts Work Help?
By building an awareness of when a young part might be triggered, we can begin to see our behaviour as coming from an attempt to survive, rather than a problem with us. We can begin to develop an understanding as to how and why these parts arise, what their fears are, and what they might need from us to feel safe. By using this perspective, we are more likely to approach ourselves and our parts with compassion, rather than spiralling into self-blame and shame. With
these younger parts attended to, our adult selves can step forward and experience more vitality and connection.
How Can You Use Parts Work?
1) Recognize when another part is present. Some clues that a younger part might be triggered:
- Extreme reactions that do not match the situation – eg. anger, shut down, intense anxiety
- Patterns of behaviour that create conflict in various relationships in your life
- So-called “self-destructive” behaviours, or “self-sabotage”
2) Respond with self-compassion rather than self-blame.
Instead of, “how could I have done/felt/acted like that again!” try responding with self-compassion and curiosity: “Wow, a part of me is really scared/angry/sad. I wonder where that is coming from?”
3) Develop an understanding of where this part might come from.
Remember these parts come from a place of trying to protect us. How did the behaviour (shutting down, yelling, avoiding, etc.) help you to survive in the past? Working with a therapist can help you to understand where these parts come from and how they are trying to protect you.
4) Learning to calm and soothe younger parts.
What did that young part need to feel safe? Maybe they needed compassion, understanding, validation, or something else. As your adult self, you can attend to these younger parts of your nervous system through words and
by working with body sensations to soothe. A therapist can also help in this process to learn how to soothe and comfort younger parts that become triggered.
References
https://www.anniewright.com/parts-work-whos-sitting-around-your-inner-conference-table/
https://www.salvolarosa.co.uk/post/2019/04/17/knowing-your-parts-a-closer-look-at-janina-
fishers-new-trauma-informed-model-to-help-with