The Power of Change

The therapist that wrote this (Ola Abugharbiyeh) actually wrote it a couple of months ago, and we had saved it for this month. How fitting that, as we begin to put together our newsletter and blog posts for April 2020, her article is on the power of change and how we can use it for our benefit. We’re really excited to share…

The Power of Change.

I invite you to think about a sudden change that disrupted your life. How did you behave? What emotions and thoughts did you struggle with? Let us shed a spotlight on your processing patterns.

Whether your life is going smoothly or is full of challenges. Change would disrupt your status quo and create chaos because change is ambiguous and scary.

Let us think about the following scenarios; a sudden lay off, a divorce, an infidelity, an accident or a sudden loss of any kind.  What goes into your head? What do you tell yourself? How do you feel and behave? What fears haunt you? How would this chaos affect you?

The issue with change is the foreign element.

First, it is external, outside of your expectations and assumptions.

Then, it throws you into the unsafety of chaos. Suddenly life seems unpredictable, unfair and overwhelming. Your usual behaviour does not work. You feel sad, anxious, angry, hurt, or some other emotion. Your mind races and tries to make sense of what happened and what to do. You may blame, placate, disengage or retreat. You might focus on one small part of the problem, ignoring the chaos happening around you. Some of your actions work and some do not. Your feelings fluctuate from moment to moment and your distress and confusion increase.

Yet, eventually you come up with a transforming idea, an action or change of attitude. You try your new findings and integrate them in your life. You notice progress. You make mistakes and you occasionally slip. Yet you develop understanding of what works and what does not, you build your skills and become more confident. You sense that you are moving toward the light. You bounce back to levels higher than before the change.

How can you bounce back to levels higher than before the change occurred?

During the mayhem of unpredictable chaos, you tend to disbelieve that chaos can be creative. Nonetheless, it is in the hindsight that you figure out what you could do. Your own resources have helped you out. You embrace them and learn to utilize them consciously in the future to transform and evolve.

Thinking of past challenges and chaotic experiences, I invite you to identify your own resources, your inherent competencies, skills and knowledge that helped you along the way towards safety, contentment and connection. Express your gratitude to your resources and make a conscious decision to replenish them for further use.

Here a few tips to strengthen your resources.

Know thyself

It all begins with knowing yourself. Befriend yourself and ask yourself questions with curiosity and self-compassion. Seek answers with nonjudgmental acceptance. Become aware of your emotions, thoughts, and behaviour. Explore your expectations from yourself and from others. Face your fears and open up to your yearnings. Remember: you are the author of your own life.

Embrace change

Despite all the discomfort created by change try to look through this new window with a fresh perspective. Widen your horizons and think out of the box. Remember: rumination about the past and worrying about the future will take you nowhere. Be present, here and now and open your heart to change.

Set goals and take action

Start with setting SMART goals that are in harmony with the change. Create goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. Take action one step at a time and prioritize. Remember: be proactive.

Recharge your physical, emotional, mental wellbeing

Eat healthy, exercise, meditate and practice self-compassion and gratitude. Set a daily reminder for self-care and healing. Take responsibility in your holistic wellbeing. Remember: you can never pour from an empty cup.

Give and receive social support

Do not hesitate to reach out and connect with others. You will be surprised by the amount of support and understanding. Remember: when in doubt seek professional support.

To conclude, change is challenging and chaotic. However, chaos is where we grow and transform. It is where we learn to master one level of the game of life and qualify to the next.

As Abraham Maslow once said “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

Ola Abugharbiyeh, MA, MACP, RCC