THE 3 S’S OF BURNOUT: STRESS, SILENCE, AND SHAME

Jan 24

Sue Noble, MACP, RCC, Vitality Collective Surrey Therapist & Registered Clinical Counsellor

I’m noting a real trend in my clients, my friends, and myself these days …

Many of us are running on empty. We’re used up, burned out, and trying to figure out what’s wrong. And that’s gotten me more interested than ever in the cause, effects, and treatment of burnout. This recent increase in burnout is not just due to our work stressors but is influenced by all areas of our lives - our romantic relationships, parenting, and caregiving, for example - not to mention the added impacts of COVID-19. Burnout is more than being “stressed out” and isn’t remedied by doing more “self-care.” In fact, putting more on your plate can exacerbate burnout. So how do we deal with burnout? Well, first we need to understand what burnout is and identify its symptoms and characteristics. As with any problem, if we don’t accurately identify it, then we’re not equipped to manage or heal from it.

Causes

Burnout is defined by physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress; it feels pervasive and can lead to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem (Theo Tsaousides, Ph.D.). It’s not merely that you’ve taken on too much work, although that may be part of it. Burnout stems from the chronic or persistent experience of being incongruent. By this, I mean diverging from your heart’s desires, your values and beliefs including behaving in ways and having an attitude that contradicts your true self. For me, it’s when I don’t agree with what is asked of me at work but must do it anyway when I disagree with my spouse on parenting issues and feel like I’m always giving in. It’s when my partner feels more like the opposition rather than my teammate – that’s when I feel burnout coming on.

Those of you who have been pushing the edges of your integrity by adjusting, pivoting, or reframing your work and social worlds are probably also feeling the toll physically, mentally, and emotionally. And, I believe the toll of COVID-19 has moved many of us from stress to burnout.

Signs

Signs of burnout can include cynicism, anger, irritability, a dwindling capacity to care for your loved ones as well as yourself - feeling ineffective. You will isolate, have a pessimistic outlook, and self-doubt increases. Burnout can be identified when where there was once enjoyment and meaning in your work and relationships, there is now unpleasantness and meaninglessness. You may feel like nothing you do makes a difference or is appreciated or that your days are mind-numbingly dull or overwhelming; in other words, feelings can be extreme (helpguide.org). Feeling chronically overwhelmed and undervalued; the feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, and numbing are the characteristics that capture the essence of burnout for me. The tension we experience between trying to keep things status quo (not rock the boat) and neglecting our own needs causes burnout to worsen. The three main dimensions of burnout are exhaustion, detachment, and ineffectiveness.

The Help Guide compares stress and burnout:

STRESS:

Characterized by over-engagement

Emotions are overreactive

Produces Urgency

Loss of energy

Leads to anxiety disorders

Primary damage is physical

May kill you prematurely

BURN-OUT:

Characterized by disengagement

Emotions are blunt

Produces helplessness and hopelessness

Loss of motivation, ideals and hopes

Leads to detachment and depression

Primary damage is emotional

May make life seem not worth living

Health issues attributed to burnout include headaches, fatigue, heartburn, and other gastrointestinal symptoms. Burnout can increase your potential for alcohol, drug, and food misuse.

Stages

Burnout does not come on suddenly. It’s more like a slow drip. Consider the five stages of burnout: the honeymoon phase, stress onset, chronic stress, burnout, and chronic burnout. You may be surprised that it starts with the honeymoon stage, the phase where you are excited by the newness, the possibilities, the acknowledgement you get (neuromedclinic.ie). However, eventually, you may recognize things aren’t all rosy and that there are some stressors attributed to your new job or relationship. If not addressed, chronic stress can set in characterized by apathy, isolation, using avoidance as a coping tool, as well as an increase in substance use. The burnout stage can be identified by an excess of the above symptoms, in addition to increased physical symptoms, as previously mentioned. Chronic burnout is concerning as it is marked by chronic mental and physical exhaustion. Depression and adverse behavioural changes are signs to seek counselling if you’ve not already.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Burnout

As you begin to notice the signs of burnout, stress, and chronic stress, here are some strategies to cope and begin to counter burnout. Self-Care: Self-care includes meditation, yoga, exercise, talking with friends, journaling, being creative, in addition to other activities. It’s also about connecting to a sense of self. Virginia Satir refers to this deeper self as our essences, our life energy, our true self, our spirit. A colleague of mine, Teresa McLellan, accurately and wholeheartedly describes self-care for our spirit as reconnecting (as opposed to disconnecting). We are disconnecting with ourselves when we are trying to fulfill the real or perceived expectations of others, are trying to be who we think we should be, and when we lose the sense of who we are. However, when we reconnect, we trust, love, and accept ourselves. This sense of security lessens the impact a stressful environment has on our being.

Burnout stems from a lack of autonomy, high workload and pressure, lack of leadership, unfairness, disconnection in values, and the lack of recognition (Paula Davis J.D., M.A.P.P). For me, these are experiences I have felt throughout the pandemic, and I suspect compound everyone’s daily life. I know I’m not alone in this.

I agree with Paula Davis when she says burnout cannot be “fixed” by the individual alone; we need each other, we need connection and support. I believe society has long been heading toward burnout and the pandemic tipped us over the edge. To help stop it, we need to matter to one another and practice patience, tolerance, and acceptance to both ourselves and others. That will take us a long way