Conquering the Fear of Couples Therapy
ANDREA OLSEN, MA, RCC, CCC - VITALITY COLLECTIVE CLINICAL COUNSELLOR
Couples therapy.
It’s a term couples sometimes associate with a failed relationship, or when things aren’t going well. While this may be the reason that couples initially start to see a therapist, most couples wish they had done this earlier in their relationship- even when things were going well.
The blog today will address some of the most prominent fears for couples in counselling.
It can’t be fixed:
Most couples I work with are afraid the therapist will tell them it won’t work. A couple’s therapist supports the couple in doing what is best for them as a couple- and only the couple can determine this. A therapist may point out behavioural patterns they are seeing and help bring to light the dynamic at play- but a therapist will not tell you to break up, it’s a decision that the couple needs to make.
It will be unpleasant:
Couples can sometimes think therapy will be unpleasant or bad when most find the opposite- and some couples I work with even consider it to be fun. A good therapist will be able to hold you in all of the most difficult emotions and manage any fights or conflicts a couple might have. Therapy isn’t always easy, but most couples find it is worth it.
Things will change:
Change can be scary, and couples therapy can open up to deeper healing work that does change each person in the relationship and the relationship itself. With the support of a therapist, the changes that happen are to help heal, and with a therapist, you will have support as you navigate any changes to the relationship. Your relationship is supported- you don’t have to navigate things on your own.
Therapy is for failed relationships:
This is simply not true. While the catalyst for most people looking for therapy is because of struggles in the relationship, therapy is also there to support couples in having a safe space to communicate and grow together. Many couples begin to enjoy couples therapy and the dedicated weekly time to reflect on the relationship.
It is important that as a couple you find the right therapist for you. Be sure to take advantage of introductory phone calls with therapists and read up about various couples therapy modalities including Gottman, Imago, and Emotionally Focused Therapy. Take time as a couple to find a therapist that feels right for you- who understands your goals, is easy to talk to, and makes both people feel seen and heard. Couples therapy does not mean the relationship has failed, rather it means you are prioritizing your partnership, learning skills, and healing from past pain.