Talk to Your Counsellor: Building a Therapeutic Relationship.
ANDREA OLSEN, MA, RCC, CCC - VITALITY COLLECTIVE CLINICAL COUNSELLOR
So, you’re new to counselling…
Or have had counselling in the past but never connected with your counsellor. This time you want a successful outcome. The key to success is the therapeutic relationship or the bond between you and your therapist.
Did you know that research shows that a meaningful therapeutic alliance is a strong predictor of successful treatment?
This means the more connected you feel to your counsellor, the more truthful and honest you can be the more likely you are to reach your therapeutic goals, no matter the modality they use.
Most of my clients are always surprised when I ask if they have any questions for me, as they didn’t know they could ask me questions. You are allowed to ask your therapist any question you might have, however they may not be able to answer all of them. Therapists are trained to navigate this and will answer questions as it pertains to the therapeutic relationship. If you are looking for a therapist with a shared experience or values be sure to talk to your therapist about this. For example, if you want a therapist who has personal experience with grief, parenting, or divorce you can ask. If you want a therapist who is doing work on anti-oppression and anti-racist work and is active in social justice, you can ask.
Building a relationship is not always a seamless endeavour and this does not mean something is going wrong. You can share any comments or feedback with your therapist. If you didn’t like what happened in a session with your therapist- share this feedback. Feeling lost or frustrated with your progress; share this feedback. A good therapist welcomes feedback and holds space for all of your emotions, even the ones directed at them. Therapists know a lot about the mind, but they do not read minds and if something doesn’t feel right or something made you update, be sure to share this with your therapist. I personally love it when clients share feedback with me, it means they feel safe and secure enough to show up fully and advocate for themselves. That is healing, that is the work!
Don’t worry about offending or hurting your therapist, if something isn’t aligning for you it’s important to let your therapist know this. Remember, your therapist is on your side and is there to help you!
Finding a good therapist can feel overwhelming as there are so many different therapeutic modalities, and styles of work. Just remember the best thing you can do when looking for a therapist is to take the time to find a therapist you can really connect with, someone you feel safe and supported by, and someone you feel you can trust and give feedback to. You are worthy of a strong therapeutic relationship and a therapist that can meet your needs and match you.