Next Year will be Better

How to Make Permanent Changes to have a Better Christmas Experience

The Christmas season has come and gone.  And you survived!

What was your December like for you?  Was it one where you thrived or barely survived? There are a couple of scenarios that can be representative of what this month may have looked like.

One scenario is that you were able to do participate in all of the things and events that you wanted to.  You said no to the things that didn’t fit into your schedule well.  And you are in a good place with your family and friends right now.   As you walk away from Christmas and 2019 you feel emotionally and mentally healthy and ready to take on a new year. That is a great place to be in. This article might help you to make some adjustments or tweaks to make your experience even better.

The other scenario is that December was difficult for you.  For some, it is a time of being stretched to be extroverted when you’re really an introvert.  For others, it is a time when you are supposed to pretend that your family relationships are healthy and positive when really they are the opposite.  Maybe you went through December purposing to do it differently this year, and to make changes – some were successful and some weren’t.

And now there’s a sense of relief that December, Christmas, and 2019 are over.  You can wipe your hands clean and move on to the next thing.

What if you didn’t just wipe your hands clean and move on?  As you head into a new year and a new decade, I’d like to encourage you to take some time and reflect on your experience of this Christmas and contemplate how you can make some changes through this coming year so that your 2020 Christmas is easier, enjoyable and have you feeling like a healthier person.

Here are 4 steps to begin to make permanent changes to your Christmas experience.

REFLECT

One way that you can begin to make those changes is to take some time to reflect on what you enjoyed and didn’t enjoy about the Christmas season. 

As you do that, take it a step further.  Are those things a reflection of what happens throughout the year?  Maybe you realize that you always feel that you wish you had more friends, and Christmas highlighted just how lonely you are.

Take a moment and sit with those thoughts.  When you get beyond the noise and the surface frustration, what is the pleasure or discomfort telling you about your life and how you are currently experiencing it?

CONNECT

One of the key steps that tends to get missed when there are changes to be made is to reach out and get support.

It can be a friend, family member or therapist. 

Take some time to find someone who can encourage and support you as you start to make a change in your life, and also ask them to hold you accountable in a way that works for you. 

Having this kind of person in your life helps you remember why you are making the changes and also provides a sense of a safety net when things get rough.

Who do you have in your life that can support you in this way?  If you would like my support, please feel free to reach out to one of the therapists at Vitality Collective.  We are all passionate about supporting people who are wanting to make healthy changes in their lives.  Finding a connection with a therapist can be the start to understanding what you need in your “real life” relationships, and learning new ways to ask for those needs to be met.

START SMALL

You’ve identified someone who can support you as you make changes.  Now you’re ready to get started and be a different person.  And you’re eager to get in and conquer this. 

And I’d suggest that you want to start slow…make sure that you take baby steps, rather than tackle the biggest change you want to make.

Why is that?  Because this is what sets you up for success.  If you start with the smallest thing that you want to change, then you are able to learn how you want to approach people or emotions. 

You learn what works for you and what doesn’t. 

Maybe you want to change how your brother talks to you.  Rather than having a big confrontation and telling him how you want him to be different, start with small changes.  See your confidence build and your capacity to speak up grow, and then those big changes will be easier and you will be more effective in the long run.

FIND YOUR VOICE

Quite often when you realize there is an area in your life that is not healthy or different from how you want to be, there is a feeling that you can’t or shouldn’t speak up.  Or you’ve lost the ability or permission to talk about what your needs are in a relationship.

With the foundation of having support and a commitment to taking baby steps, as you add the space to start speaking up for yourself, you will start to notice a difference inside.  As you share your emotions and thoughts with someone who values you and supports you, you can learn ways to speak them to a situation or person that needs change in order to be healthy.

Starting with a counsellor can be such a great step in this process.  They provide a safe place to say exactly what’s going on inside without judgement or bias.  There is a freedom that happens in a counselling room that is different from being with a friend or family member.

So as you begin this journey of implementing change in your life, consider meeting with a therapist to help you navigate these changes and find your voice again.  The therapists at Vitality Collective all have a minimum of a Masters level degree, with a specific focus and passion for helping people.  If you would like help identifying which counsellor might be the best fit for you and your goals, take a look at our article on how to find the best therapist for you, and also feel free to contact us.

Our hope for you is that you will be able to make some healthy changes and progress throughout the coming year so that your experience of Christmas 2020 (and each one after that) is such that you can say you truly enjoy the Christmas season and feel fulfilled as you begin your next new year.

Lisa Catallo is one of the Clinical Directors at Vitality Collective. She serves women and couples who have survived a traumatic experience. She is also one of those people that just love Christmas - the family dynamics, chaos and all.