5 Ways to Help Yourself and Your Youth Cope with Change During the School Year
2020 has been quite the year, especially as a parent, who plays multiple roles.
Having children at home can be quite the struggle, there was a time when as parents, we would have a routine, and life seemed ok, but now we are adjusting to life at home, school at home, art class at home, and movie nights at home. By this time, your children are probably as fed up with being at home just like yourself, wishing to escape to an Island with glistening blue waters and soft white sand.
As you imagine this Island, think of the bright yellow sun shining on your body as you walk along the shoreline and feel the warm sand under your feet. Take a gentle full inhale breath through your nose, and exhale through your mouth, notice the feeling of calmness and stillness. If you are feeling caught up in a world of chaos and uncertainty, I have some ways you can help your youth cope with the ongoing change.
1. Give your youth the opportunity to talk about their concerns and ask questions
Parents need to provide youth with a safe space to talk about their concerns. Often youth may not have the vocabulary to address how they feel, and that's when we must look for the nonverbal cues and changes in their mood and behaviour. When approaching your youth, it is essential to be non-judgemental or make assumptions instead of being curious and asking questions—Check-in with them about what they hear regarding the coronavirus disease and what they think is true.
If we don’t find out what they are thinking and address the misunderstanding, they may combine the new information you gave them with the old knowledge they have. If you don’t have the answers to their questions, instead of guessing, use it as an opportunity to explore the answers together.
2. Create a supportive and nurturing environment and respond empathically to emotions your youth expresses
Your youth may express his concern through anger, sadness, withdrawal, or by pushing the emotion away, creating a compassionate environment where conversation and feeling upset or sad should be ok. Allow your youth to feel emotions and sit with them in that feeling instead of jumping to a solution. Normalize that their feelings make sense, and they may be confused or frustrated because they don’t have the structure they did before the pandemic.
3. Stick to a routine, maintain consistency within the home
Youth need consistency and structure; during this time, adults find it challenging to create entirely new structures and express our frustrations. Our youth express through emotions and withdrawal. Parents and guardians need to create schedules and routines that include time for youth to connect with their friends and be on devices for the structured time. It is essential to have technology-free time and have conversations about what it will look like for both parents and teens.
4. Create healthy distractions
When it comes to discussing or processing difficult emotions, take in cues from your youth, and think about balancing talking about feelings with finding distractions. When kids need relief from feeling overwhelmed or upset, find distractions that allow them to focus on the present moment. The future can often cause anticipatory anxiety for the youth and yourself as the parent or guardian.
Have a family game night, or go on spontaneous long drives to connect. While on the drive, create a conversation about what you see, how it feels to have the windows open, and listen to sounds in the environment. With teens and their devices, allow them to some extent, but not a free-for-all. Explain to your teen that you understand they may have more free time on their hands, but that it is not a good idea to have constant access to social media or screens. Come up with a mutual plan with your teen that you can discuss so they feel involved in the decision making process.
5. Monitor your own behavior
Children and youth react, in part, to what they see from the adults around them. When parents and teachers deal with a disaster calmly and confidently, they can provide the best support for their youth. Check-in with yourself when you feel overwhelmed or start to get flustered. Take some time to gather your thoughts and familiarize yourself with the resources available around you and your school for children and families.
Parents must practice containing their own intense emotions and seek support as required. This can be difficult because of the ongoing pandemic and the rise in cases, but this is why it is vital to maintain a healthy atmosphere in the home for our children. Being calm and proactive allows for a healthy conversation with your youth about coronavirus disease (COVID-19), and the essential role children can plan in keeping themselves healthy.
Let them know that it is possible you may start to feel symptoms at some point, which are common to the common cold or flu, and that they must tell their teacher or yourself. Reassure your children that there are many useful things we can do to keep ourselves and others safe and to feel in better control of our circumstances: washing our hands, don’t touch our faces, and practicing social distancing. We can also help them look outwards to say to them, “ I know you’re feeling worried about going back to school and catching the coronavirus, but part of why we’re asking you to do all these things is to take care of our community. We think about everyone around us, too”.
During these times, parents are playing multiple roles, and managing their emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing is essential. Children and youth are resilient and adapt well to change, given the right support and environment. By implementing the above strategies, we can start to build a healthy and supportive relationship with our children and allow them to feel in control around uncertainty.
Jasmin Atwal, MA, RCC is the author of this article and she specializes in working with children, youth, and families in many different areas. If you would like to get in contact or set up an appointment click here to get in touch with us.