As a small child, you were likely open and free, sharing all of yourself with others. As you grew and matured, however, you may have learned that the world can be a very painful place. You learned that not everyone is on your side, and not all situations are going to go your way. You may have adapted to making yourself small from growing up in a chaotic and loud environment, or you may have learned to not share your feelings because nobody listened. The deepest wounds often come from childhood. They can affect the way people see the world, themselves, and their relationships.

SHAME, in my experience, is the least talked about but one of the most powerful emotions we all feel. Shame is the feeling of humiliation or embarrassment when we have done something or have perceived to have done something wrong, immoral, improper, or dishonest. It’s an emotion that has allowed humanity to survive. It is also a very painful emotion.

It is human nature to live on autopilot, reacting unconsciously to things happening in our lives. The problem with that way of living is that often we react to difficult experiences with strategies that end up making us feel worse. Thinking things through turns into ruminating on a problem for hours. We distract ourselves with TV when we have an unpleasant task to do, but later feel worse that we spent the day procrastinating. We don’t like the fact that we are feeling down, so we turn to self-criticism, telling ourselves we should be able to snap out of it. The practise of mindfulness is to pause in these moments of distress, to just be present with our experience, rather than solving it, judging it, or avoiding it.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a type of talk therapy that focuses on how you think and what you do, trying to help you change those thoughts and behaviours to feel better. In this line of therapy, your therapist will explore your thoughts about yourself, the world and other people and how your behaviour affects your thoughts and emotions. CBT focuses on the “here and now” problems and difficulties, but this doesn’t mean your therapist won’t ask you questions about your past. There will be times when talking about the past will help you and your therapist understand how it is affecting you now.

Common themes I encounter in practice are people’s desire to figure out where their anxiety is coming from, why do they behave in certain ways in situations, or why are they feeling stuck when everything seems like it should be okay? I believe that at least part of the answers come from our values. People (me included) do not think about their values actively throughout the day. They may come up in important moments in life (choosing a partner, looking for a new job, attending school) but for the most part, they sit in our subconscious silently guiding us through life.

I’m noting a real trend in my clients, my friends, and myself these days … Many of us are running on empty. We’re used up, burned out, and trying to figure out what’s wrong. Burnout is more than being “stressed out” and isn’t remedied by doing more “self-care.” In fact, putting more on your plate can exacerbate burnout. So how do we deal with burnout?

It seems like I blinked and suddenly my little children are not so little anymore. They are more independent and capable of taking care of themselves. They can read to themselves, dress, do chores, and make their own food (although it likely won’t contain all the food groups). They have a new sense of independence and need for social connections. Does this sound familiar to you?

Relationships can be the source of joy and happiness in our lives, but sometimes they can also bring conflicts and negative feelings. When we are in a conversation with someone and we notice the first signs of anger, it is a good idea to follow some guidelines to avoid a heated argument that probably won’t solve anything.

January is upon us and it is often the time to set New Year resolutions.

Chances are you have set resolutions in the past and not been successful - I know I have. New years resolutions are notoriously hard to follow through for multiple reasons. The good news is achieving our goals can start with a shift in how we are thinking about them and the way we talk to ourselves about our goals.

Body image is the perception we have of our own bodies. This includes the mental image we have of ourselves, thoughts and beliefs about our bodies, feelings about our appearance, as well as behaviours that impact our bodies.

Have you ever felt such a BIG emotion that it completely overwhelmed you? Has anxiety ever gotten so loud, it’s hard to function? If yes, you are not alone.

Our language choices have a powerful effect on how we view mental health and people living with mental health conditions. It is not surprising that mental health, which has been systematically stigmatized for so many decades, has historically settled for a discriminatory vocabulary. People have grown up in generations after generations that use terms to describe people with mental health issues as being perfectly normal. Here are a few examples: crazy, nuts, psycho, hoarder, paranoid, manipulative, and loony, the list goes on

Maybe you were feeling okay, and then all of sudden your body is flooded with uncomfortable sensations? Maybe to others, it was something they could brush off, but to you, it felt like you were overtaken by anger or even anxiety. Perhaps you were swarmed by anxious throughs and worries? Often feeling confused and defeated by the intensity of your emotional reaction.

Flipping the lid occurs when your amygdala starts sounding the alarms, putting pressure on your thumb and the fight or flight response is activated, pushing open your pre-frontal cortex fingers. Remember, the cortex is where your thinking happens, so when you flip your lid, your thinking goes out the window. When this happens, you lose your balance and reasoning and react in extreme ways as a result of your emotions.

Let’s be real, life isn’t easy. During tough times, it’s extremely difficult to feel in control of your emotions and feelings. What can you do if you’re feeling this way you ask? DBT! Learn more….

Asking traumatized clients to work through memories early on in therapy, is similar to asking the sprinter with the broken leg to run when they cannot even stand. Sharing traumatic experiences can leave individuals vulnerable to becoming dysregulated and at times re-traumatized. Trauma memories should not be addressed before the individual is equipped to manage the distress. Babette Rothschild, author of ‘The Body Remembers’ uses the analogy of teaching a new driver to be really comfortable with the “braking” system in a car before “accelerating.”

The holiday season is here and it’s a stressful time for many in which people find themselves needing to recover afterward.

And while this time of year can bring about lots of fun, laughter, quality time, and of course those classic cheesy Christmas movies, it can also bring up a plethora of emotions from positive to negative, and everything in-between.

During the 20th century, research about stress and its effects on humans grew exponentially, and two approaches were developed: the first one focused on the body’s response to stress, while the second one had a psychosocial take on it.

Having low self-esteem can impact relationships, work or home life, body image, and mental health. Read on to find out what it means and what you can do about it.

Self-criticism most often originates from early experiences with caregivers or peers. For
example, growing up experiencing abuse or in an environment of high criticism can result in
someone being highly self-critical later in life. Self-criticism is a survival strategy that develops
to keep us safe. This self-critical part begins to self-correct, looking for any mistakes and
potential failures to avoid being criticized by others.