When we understand that our emotions are actually physical experiences and we learn to become more in tune with these sensations, we can build tolerance for uncomfortable feelings and we can actually alter our emotional responses.

The emphasis on self-care in the last 10 years has really increased, so much so that it has become a common job interview question in some sectors, but what does it really mean?

Can you recognize your adult self?

Is there a time when you feel the most like “yourself”? Or moments when you have stayed calm, even in a stressful situation? Is there an environment or activity where you feel confident and self-assured? This might be your adult self!

So often, clients I work with come to counselling because they have overwhelming emotions that negatively impact their lives.

It is common for people to believe that if they simply change their thoughts they should be able to change how they feel. There is truth to this; when we shift how we think about things we can positively affect how we feel and act.

It is now recognized that trauma is experienced by those who not only experience traumatic events but also by those who perceive a threat to their life. Additionally, the accumulation of several, chronic and stressful experiences can equate to trauma.

As humans, we are experts at trying not to feel our emotions. While we might succeed temporarily, not feeling our emotions disconnects us from our internal experience. The Change Triangle, created by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, is a visual representation of our emotional experience that can help guide us to feeling into our emotions and coming back to our authentic selves.

Feeling emotionally numb is the experience of feeling disconnected, empty and unable to identify your emotions. We numb not because we are empty, but because we are too full. It’s a way of shutting ourselves off from something painful or overwhelming and is closely linked with the nervous system’s freeze response.

While there are comprehensive definitions, essentially, “mental health is our ability to respond to challenges” (MindMattersAustralia). How well we respond to life’s challenges can be a good indication of how we are doing emotionally. Just like our physical health, our mental health is on a continuum with mental illness or disorder on one end and positive mental well-being and living life to your fullest potential on the other end. Where we are on this continuum is not static; we tend to fluctuate depending on a variety of factors. These are known as risk and protective factors.

As a small child, you were likely open and free, sharing all of yourself with others. As you grew and matured, however, you may have learned that the world can be a very painful place. You learned that not everyone is on your side, and not all situations are going to go your way. You may have adapted to making yourself small from growing up in a chaotic and loud environment, or you may have learned to not share your feelings because nobody listened. The deepest wounds often come from childhood. They can affect the way people see the world, themselves, and their relationships.

SHAME, in my experience, is the least talked about but one of the most powerful emotions we all feel. Shame is the feeling of humiliation or embarrassment when we have done something or have perceived to have done something wrong, immoral, improper, or dishonest. It’s an emotion that has allowed humanity to survive. It is also a very painful emotion.

It is human nature to live on autopilot, reacting unconsciously to things happening in our lives. The problem with that way of living is that often we react to difficult experiences with strategies that end up making us feel worse. Thinking things through turns into ruminating on a problem for hours. We distract ourselves with TV when we have an unpleasant task to do, but later feel worse that we spent the day procrastinating. We don’t like the fact that we are feeling down, so we turn to self-criticism, telling ourselves we should be able to snap out of it. The practise of mindfulness is to pause in these moments of distress, to just be present with our experience, rather than solving it, judging it, or avoiding it.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a type of talk therapy that focuses on how you think and what you do, trying to help you change those thoughts and behaviours to feel better. In this line of therapy, your therapist will explore your thoughts about yourself, the world and other people and how your behaviour affects your thoughts and emotions. CBT focuses on the “here and now” problems and difficulties, but this doesn’t mean your therapist won’t ask you questions about your past. There will be times when talking about the past will help you and your therapist understand how it is affecting you now.

Common themes I encounter in practice are people’s desire to figure out where their anxiety is coming from, why do they behave in certain ways in situations, or why are they feeling stuck when everything seems like it should be okay? I believe that at least part of the answers come from our values. People (me included) do not think about their values actively throughout the day. They may come up in important moments in life (choosing a partner, looking for a new job, attending school) but for the most part, they sit in our subconscious silently guiding us through life.

I’m noting a real trend in my clients, my friends, and myself these days … Many of us are running on empty. We’re used up, burned out, and trying to figure out what’s wrong. Burnout is more than being “stressed out” and isn’t remedied by doing more “self-care.” In fact, putting more on your plate can exacerbate burnout. So how do we deal with burnout?

It seems like I blinked and suddenly my little children are not so little anymore. They are more independent and capable of taking care of themselves. They can read to themselves, dress, do chores, and make their own food (although it likely won’t contain all the food groups). They have a new sense of independence and need for social connections. Does this sound familiar to you?

Relationships can be the source of joy and happiness in our lives, but sometimes they can also bring conflicts and negative feelings. When we are in a conversation with someone and we notice the first signs of anger, it is a good idea to follow some guidelines to avoid a heated argument that probably won’t solve anything.

January is upon us and it is often the time to set New Year resolutions.

Chances are you have set resolutions in the past and not been successful - I know I have. New years resolutions are notoriously hard to follow through for multiple reasons. The good news is achieving our goals can start with a shift in how we are thinking about them and the way we talk to ourselves about our goals.

Body image is the perception we have of our own bodies. This includes the mental image we have of ourselves, thoughts and beliefs about our bodies, feelings about our appearance, as well as behaviours that impact our bodies.

Have you ever felt such a BIG emotion that it completely overwhelmed you? Has anxiety ever gotten so loud, it’s hard to function? If yes, you are not alone.

Our language choices have a powerful effect on how we view mental health and people living with mental health conditions. It is not surprising that mental health, which has been systematically stigmatized for so many decades, has historically settled for a discriminatory vocabulary. People have grown up in generations after generations that use terms to describe people with mental health issues as being perfectly normal. Here are a few examples: crazy, nuts, psycho, hoarder, paranoid, manipulative, and loony, the list goes on